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Märchenhafter Urlaub

Was Claudius nicht wusste und nie zu wissen gedachte

“Wenn jemand eine Reise tut, dann kann er was verzählen.” An dieser so alten wie trefflich wahren Wahrheit hat sich, seit Matthias Claudius sie einst äußerte, nichts geändert. Geändert haben sich allein die Geschichten. Berichtete der Dichter dereinst von Land und Leuten, zeigen die Geschichten meines Urlaubs dann eher die spunghaft sich entwickelnden Begleitumstände der Touren.

Schon immer gefürchtet von mir – das Kolonnefahren mit anderen Mitreisenden. Dem unerklärlichen Wunsch erfüllend “gemeinsam mit den anderen in den Urlaub zu fahren” folgte meist ein oft stundenlang andauernder Blick in den Rückspiegel, verbunden mit der Suche nach dem – oder schlimmer noch – nach den Mitreisenden. Meiner besseren Hälfte konnte ich diesen Wunsch nach gemeinsamer Anreise jüngst ausreden, in dem ich ihr das unwiderstehliche Angebot des gemeinsamen Ankommens vor Ort anbot. Sie willigte zögernd ein und überprüfte fortan das Gelingen dieses Plans mit dem höchst regelmäßigen Austausch von Standort-Koordinaten mit den Vorausfahrenden via Whatsapp (gab es zu Zeiten von Claudius noch nicht). Angesichts der beiden vakanten Reiseaufgabenstellungen “Fahrer” oder “Navigationskommunikator” war ich erstmals glücklich, mich als Lenker des Wagens nur mit Wetter, Dunkelheit und unberechenbaren Verkehrsteilnehmern auseinander setzen zu dürfen.

Einprägend – und dies im wahrsten Sinne des Wortes – begleiteten mich dann über die gesamte Dauer des Urlaubs zwei kleine alphanumerische, vertrackt kryptische Zeichensammlungen, die ich mindestens täglich, teils sogar stündlich in Handy und Laptop klapperte: Die Zugangsdaten zum WLAN der Pension. Benötigte man früher für einen perfekten Urlaub lediglich günstige äußere Umstände, läuft heute ohne Internetzugang nichts mehr. Wann öffnet das Skigebiet, wie wird das Wetter, wo ist das nächstgelegene Handarbeitsgeschäft? Steht alles im Internet, kommt man aber nur dran, wenn man diese überaus sinnfreien Zahlen-/Buchstaben-Kombinationen des WLAN-Zugangs behalten kann. Matthias Claudius prägte sich wohl nie WLAN-Passworte ein…

Von einer weiteren Errungenschaft modernen Reisens wusste ein Tischnachbar-Paar in einem der von uns besuchten Lokale zu berichten. Als sich ihr Aufenthalt dem Ende entgegen neigte, klagte seine Frau – seinen Ausführungen zufolge – erstmals deutlich vernehmbar über Rückenschmerzen, deren Herkunft sie zweifelsohne auf das Hotelbett zurück führte. Dieses nahende Urlaubsende – so der freundliche Herr – habe sie früher so nie bemessen können und er sei der Ansicht, es handele sich hierbei um eine neuzeitliche Funktion, die sein Reisen bereichere. Immerhin sei klar, wann man die Prinzessin von der Erbse holen und heim fahren müsse.

Ohne Zweifel “märchenhaft” endet für ihn, wie für mich, ein Urlaub, von dem zu berichten es sich lohnt. Allein die Geschichten sind andere als weiland bei Claudius…

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